


Paper Thin

by sinemoras09



Category: Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms, Fate/stay night: Unlimited Blade Works (Anime 2014)
Genre: Bad Cooking, Gen, Jerkass Facade, Name-Calling, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-04-07 23:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4282647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinemoras09/pseuds/sinemoras09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin has to stay at Shirou's. Archer has objections. Archer, Shirou, Rin.  Gen. Crack. No spoilers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Paper Thin

**Author's Note:**

> This whole fic pretty much owes its entire existence to the comic, [Fate/Stay Night Comic Battle](https://mangamark.com/manga/fate-stay-night-comic-battle/chapter-1.1/page-1?si=2). I can't recommend it enough :)

1.

Light streams in through a hole in the wall the exact width and height of Ilya's servant, and above them, a beam falls, crumbling off the roof and landing onto the floor with a loud thud. Dust falls. Rin coughs and waves her hand as motes of dust drift through the yellow sunlight.

"Hm," Archer says. "I don't think your house is very habitable now, Rin."

"Yeah, no kidding," Rin says, and she coughs again and waves her hand. "Stupid Berserker and stupid Ilyasviel! I can't believe they caught us off-guard!"

"Indeed," Archer says. A piece of ceiling falls onto the ground, exposing the upstairs bathtub.

She climbs over the detritus and broken bits of furniture to fish out the remaining gems in the study, while Archer slowly moves and collects the debris in a pile at the center of the living room. There are broken beams and metal rods lying at odd angles to each other, which Archer carefully stacks and pushes out of the way. Even her bookcase is in shambles, its contents regurgitated all over the floor.

"Dammit, Archer! You destroyed my house!" Rin says.

"It was a life or death battle, what did you expect?" Archer sounds put-off and slightly offended. "I just fended off the strongest servant. You should be praising me and letting me recuperate instead of having a cripple clean your house."

"You're not hurt that bad," Rin says. Archer frowns and pushes back a table.

 

*****

 

Archer was nearly killed during his fight with Berserker. Swinging on rafters and slamming his body against parapets, Berserker all but demolished the second floor of the Tohsaka mansion. Archer would have certainly been killed were it not for his Reality Marble, which he pulled out at the very last minute.

"Where have you been hiding this?" Ilya said. She clapped her hands, delighted. "You should have done this from the start!"

Archer grinned. He was barely upright, blood dripping down the side of his face and holding a broken arm.

"I'm glad you found this entertaining," Archer said. Ilya smiled and hopped on Berserker's arm.

"I'm going to let you live," Ilya said. "I want to see more of this, next time. Come on, Berserker!"

Berserker roared. The Reality Marble dissipated and Archer staggered onto the ground.

"Archer!" Rin ran toward him as Ilya and Berserker fled. "Archer! Are you okay?"

"Never better," Archer said, and he coughed up blood.

"Stupid Archer!" Rin said. "You should have used that earlier, you could have beat them! You wouldn't have gotten so hurt!"

"You should be thanking me that I didn't," Archer said. "Unlimited Blade Works drains too much mana. It could harm you if I use it too much."

Rin frowned. There was a large gash on the side of his temple; his clothes were disheveled and blood was dripping down the side of his face.

"You still should have used it earlier," Rin said, and she tugged on his shirt, exposing his arm. "You wouldn't have gotten so injured."

"I was ill-matched against him. Nothing would have changed that fact. Certainly not endangering your life for no good reason." Archer winced a little as Rin set to the task of healing him. Gingerly she placed her hand on his back, concentrating on the ambient glow of the healing spell and focusing on all the places he was injured.

"You almost died," Rin said. "If Ilyasviel didn't stop the fight--"

"If Ilya didn't stop the fight, I would have made a strategic retreat," Archer said.

"You would have run?" Rin said.

"There's no point in dying," Archer said. "I'd rather live to fight another day than die with my pride intact."

"Huh," Rin said. "Well I guess I shouldn't have worried, then."

And she jabbed her finger into Archer's wound.

 

*****

 

Her bedroom is demolished, so Rin drags a futon into the living room and sets it behind the broken remnants of the couch and the pile of wood that used to be a coffee table. The floor is still covered with dust and splinters and shards of broken glass, so she wears her boots with her nightgown, carefully stepping around the floor. Above her, Archer's disembodied voice echoes in the room.

" _I don't think you should sleep here._ "

"It's fine, stop worrying," Rin says. "Berserker attacked already. There probably won't be another attack tonight. Lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, right?"

The air shimmers. Archer sighs, tragically.

" _Your sense of naivete depresses me._

 _You should find a location that is easier to fortify. What is more, I am concerned about the structural integrity of the house. Even if no one attacks, that's not to say the ceiling won't cave in. You should probably go where it is safer._ "

"Hmm." Rin strokes her chin. "Well, I guess we could crash at Emiya-kun's. His place is big enough, and the food is pretty good there, generally."

" _Rin,_ " Archer says, and Rin thinks he's about to argue with her again, but he doesn't. He just sighs. Apparently he doesn't have the energy.

" _Do whatever you want,_ " Archer says, and he materializes. "I'm going to continue cleaning."

"You're not going to come with me?" Rin says.

"I think I'd tear my ears out if I have to listen to the senseless prattling of that idealistic fool, so no."

"Fine. Stay here and clean up then. I'm going to go."

 

****

 

Shirou opens the door even though it's half past midnight, and he looks startled and confused when he sees Rin standing at the door.

"Uh...Tohsaka?"

"Good evening, Emiya-kun."

She pushes a bag against his chest and walks past him, taking off her shoes.

 

*****

 

2.

"Um, Tohsaka. Don't take this the wrong way but...

What exactly are you doing here?"

Rin frowns at him. Shirou waves his hands, frantically.

"It's not that I mind!" Shirou says. "But it's 2 a.m., and we were just wondering, ah--"

"Berserker attacked last night," Rin says. Saber and Shirou both look at her in horror, but she waves her hand, dismissively.

"My house is a mess, and Archer says it's too dangerous for me to stay there. He says the structural stability of the house is compromised, or something stupid like that. Personally I think it's fine."

"Tohsaka! Why didn't you say anything?" Shirou says.

"I didn't want to worry you," Rin says. "Knowing you, Emiya-kun, you would have wanted to do something stupid. My Archer could barely keep up with Berserker, I didn't want to put you and Saber in that position."

"Where is Archer now?" Saber says.

"Hmph. The idiot says he needs to fix things. He refuses to leave the house."

"Huh," Shirou says. Saber frowns.

"Rin. As important as it is to secure your base, I believe it would be prudent for you to have Archer here as well. There is enough room," Saber says. "And we certainly would not mind the extra company."

"That's what I told him," Rin says. She strokes her chin, thoughtfully.

"Archer?"

_Yes, Rin?_

"Forget fixing the place. You're staying with me at Emiya-kun's tonight."

Rin waits. Saber and Shirou share a look.

"Archer?"

_I refuse._

Rin slaps her hands on the table. "Huh?!"

 _I'd rather take my chances with Berserker_.

"And what? Leave a gentle flower like me alone and undefended?"

_You'll be fine. And you're hardly a gentle flower._

"Dammit!" Rin says, and she pushes up her sleeve.

"Archer, if you don't come here right this minute I'm going to use a command spell on you!"

_You wouldn't._

"Anfang!"

Saber polishes off three bowls of rice while Rin argues at the air.

"He's coming," Rin says, finally. "I had to threaten the idiot with a command spell but he's on his way."

"He doesn't seem to like me very much, does he?" Shirou says. Rin waves her hand dismissively.

"He's grouchy all the time, you just seem to rub him the wrong way is all."

 

****

 

3.

Two days pass, and Shirou doesn't hear a word from Archer.

"So, uh, Tohsaka...when is Archer coming?"

Rin sips on her tea. "He's already here."

"He is?" Shirou says. Saber nods.

"Indeed," Saber says. "Archer has been in spirit form for quite some time."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Shirou says. Saber shrugs.

"I had thought you already knew."

Shirou looks around, uneasily. He sees the tatami mats and the TV and the other living room furniture, but he sees no sign of anyone else but the three of them. Shirou rubs his arms, frowning.

"Shirou?" Saber says. "What is wrong?"

"It feels a little weird." Shirou rubs his arms, frowning. "I don't like the idea of that guy watching me when I don't know he's around."

"He is obviously still recuperating," Saber says, gently. "We should allow him to rest." Rin shakes her head.

"He's not recuperating, he's just being rude." Rin sets down her chopsticks and calls out toward the ceiling.

"Archer," Rin says. "Say hello to Shirou for me. You've been hiding quite enough."

" _I do not see the point._ " Archer's voice floats above them. " _As Saber said, I am still recovering. I see no purpose in further depleting my mana_."

"You're being rude," Rin says, flatly. "We're his guests. Come out here and help clean up."

Shirou's eyes widen. "That's okay, Tohsaka--"

"Archer!"

Archer materializes in front of them. "Let me remind you, Master, you are perfectly capable of cleaning up yourself."

"Be nice," Rin says. Archer glares.

Shirou does the dishes while Saber and Rin sprawl out in the living room. There's a lot: he went all out on the dinner this evening, and the sink is piled with pots and pans. Behind him, Archer silently picks up the dishes and stacks them on the counter next to him. Shirou smiles, gratefully.

"Thank you for getting the dishes," Shirou says.

Archer gives him a look, then drops the dish that he's holding.

Shirou's eyes widen. Archer gives him a bored look.

"Oops," Archer says. Broken fragments scatter on the floor.

"Oi!" Shirou says. "What did you do that for?"

"My hand slipped," Archer says.

"Bull crap it slipped, you dropped it on purpose!" Shirou says. Archer's eyes narrow.

"What are you two idiots arguing about now?" Rin says. Shirou throws down his dishtowel.

"He dropped a dish on purpose," Shirou says.

"I did no such thing," Archer says. "It slipped out of my hand. I am injured, remember?"

Shirou grumbles, "Yeah right it slipped out of your hand..."

"Let's see what else may slip," Archer says, and he picks up a teacup, holding it over the counter.

"Oops," Archer says again, and he tosses the teacup over his shoulder. "That was on purpose, Emiya Shirou."

"Archer!" Rin says. "What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be helping Emiya!"

"It's okay," Shirou says, because he's tired and he doesn't want anyone to fight. "It's just a few dishes. I can fix them later."

"He doesn't care about the dishes," Archer says, bitterly. "He's just doing it because he wants everyone to be happy."

"What are you even talking about?" Shirou says. Archer steps forward.

"Your ideals are bankrupt," Archer says. "Wishing for everyone to be happy, believing others to be more important than yourself. You don't want to fix the dishes," Archer says, and his eyes narrow.

"You're just doing it because you feel you have to."

"Are you an idiot?" Rin says. "You broke his dishes and now you're chastising him for fixing them?"

"It won't be that hard," Archer says. "Emiya Shirou enjoys cleaning up other people's messes. He said so as much himself."

"Teme," Shirou says. Behind them, the door opens.

"Shirou!" Taiga says. She pulls off her shoes, bounding through the door. "I hope you have dinner ready because I'm _starving_. Oh, hello Rin-chan," Taiga says. "Saber-chan. Er. What's going on?"

Archer had dematerialized. Broken dishes are scattered on the ground.

 

*****

 

4.

Because Rin threatens to use a command spell, Archer agrees to stop antagonizing him.

Rin is lounging around Shirou's living room, watching television and eating from a box of snacks. She doesn't throw away the wrappers - she leaves them scattered around her on the floor.

But Emiya Shirou picks them up. He follows her around, picking up her trash, straightening up her things. He even does her laundry, taking care to fold her clothes and underthings. Archer has half a mind to scold her, but it is not his Master's fault the imbecile lets himself be used.

"So, Saber, what do you want to eat today?" Shirou and Saber and Rin are walking in the grocery store. Archer follows them silently.

"Oh, Shirou! May we have the wagyu beef?" Saber says.

Archer looks. The beef costs more than that boy is able to spend, but the idiot boy smiles, happily.

"Sure!" Shirou says.

Archer stands behind him and frowns.

 

*****

 

There are no limits to the depth and breadth of the boy's pathological need to please people. Archer watches, sullen and silent, as one of Shirou's classmates pushes a phone in Shirou's face.

"I don't like how you fixed this!" she complains.

Archer bristles, silently. The girl had begged him to fix her phone, nevermind the fact that Shirou was busy and had tried to politely decline. "You're the only one who can fix it!" his classmate said, and Shirou took it, reluctantly.

"Uh, well...I installed the newest OS for you. It's got improved voice recognition and it uses the memory more efficiently.

I thought you would like it," Shirou says, but his classmate cuts him off.

"I don't like the way it looks," his classmate says. "Turn it back."

Ungrateful brat. Archer glares at her, knowing full well that Emiya Shirou spent the better part of an entire night working on the girl's phone. The girl taps her foot and glares while Shirou stammers and makes excuses. "Uh, well...I was actually working on it for a little bit, but..." and Archer knows, because he was watching him, that Emiya Shirou had in fact spent several hours working on it, backing up files and clearing out bloatware.

 _Good_ , Archer thinks. Stand up for yourself. Make the damn brat fix her own phone.

"...Okay," Shirou says.

If he weren't in spirit form, Archer would bang his head against the wall.

 

****

 

"I do not understand what you see in that doormat," Archer says to Rin, when they're alone in her room. Rin shrugs.

"I think he's sweet," Rin says. "He actually reminds me of you, in a way."

"Tell me you are joking," Archer says.

"Not at all," Rin says, and she grins at him.

"You both like to clean and cook, and I can boss you both around."

"Now I may have to kill myself," Archer says. Rin rolls her eyes.

"You're being dramatic. He's not that bad."

"Hmph. Well if you ask me, you are more like him than I," Archer says. Rin raises an eyebrow. Archer continues. "You pretend that you're tough, but you're just as soft-hearted as he is. How many times have you said you'd kill him? I see he's still alive."

Rin screws her face at him. "I'm not at all like him," Rin says. "First of all, I'm way smarter than he is."

"I find that highly doubtful, coming from a girl who does not know how to operate a VCR."

"Shut up! At the very least, I'm way more charismatic, not to mention beautiful and talented! That half-wit mage can't even use Saber properly. He might as well be a civilian, I have no idea what that idiot is doing in this war."

There is a noise. Rin and Archer turn.

Shirou is standing in the doorway, holding Rin's laundry. His eyes are wide and his face is pale. His grip on the laundry tightens.

"Emiya-kun. You...you didn't hear what I said, right? I was just kidding!" Rin says, but it's too late. "Emiya-kun! Wait!"

She turns to Archer, furious.

"Dammit Archer! What did you make me say?!" Rin says. Archer shrugs, elegantly.

"I didn't make you say anything," Archer says, and he returns to spirit form.

 

*****

 

5.

Because his mana is still depleted and Shirou cooks enough food, Rin tells Archer he should probably start eating, too.

"You haven't recovered yet," Rin says. Archer looks more and more annoyed as Rin stands there and berates him. "You nearly got killed, so just shut up and eat already. Look at Saber! She isn't complaining. Right, Saber?"

"Indeed." Saber spears her chopstick like a knife into the center of a choice cut of beef and devours another bowl.

"You do realize my mana would be replenished more readily if you let me rest, correct?" Archer says, frowning.

"Ha! As if. You'd just go back to the mansion and tinker around with stuff again."

"I am repairing your house," Archer says. "The sooner the repairs are finished, the sooner we can leave. You could say I have a vested interest in this."

"Yeah, and you would repair it a lot quicker when you're back to normal," Rin says, and she hands him a bowl.

 

****

 

On second thought, Saber thinks, as she surveys the table. It probably wasn't a good idea to sit Archer and Shirou across from each other.

They sit across each other at the table, the two of them staring daggers at each other. Before, Archer would either stay in spirit form or spend his time at Rin's old house, but because Rin insisted, he's staring down Shirou like some sort of psychopath.

They seem to like the same things. Both Archer and Shirou go for the same cuts of meat. They both avoid the same vegetables and they both drink the same amount of water. They even chew at the same rate, which seems like an impossible coincidence.

"Rin," Saber says, and she leans toward Rin, quietly. "Does it seem like they are copying each other?"

"Yeah, a little," Rin says. She frowns. "It's weird."

Tensions grow high as the amount of meat lessons, and Saber feels herself growing battle ready as Archer and Shirou's chopsticks knock into each other, both sets spearing the last piece of meat.

"You can have it," Shirou says. Archer folds his arms.

"Hmph. Of course a fool like you would let his enemy have the last piece."

"What's wrong with that? I was being nice!"

"And that will lead to your downfall."

Rin slams her hand on the table. "Dammit Archer, stop being so dramatic!"

Saber chews, eyes glancing from one man to the other, silently.

They eat in silence. Saber devours bowl after bowl while Rin wipes her mouth delicately.

"Archer. You're not eating," Rin says. "This is one of Shirou's specialties. Don't you like it?"

Archer picks at his bowl of rice, frowning. "It is passable," Archer says. Across from him, Shirou's face turns red.

"What are you on about? Shirou's cooking is good," Rin says.

"I agree," Saber says. "Shirou's cooking is excellent."

"You guys, it's okay if he doesn't like it," Shirou says.

"It's just rude!" Rin says. "Emiya-kun, you work so hard and you try to please everyone! The least that jerk can do is try to enjoy your cooking."

"There's nothing to enjoy," Archer says. He leans back, crossing his arms. "His cooking is fundamentally lacking."

"Huh?!" Shirou says. Archer leans forward.

"Emiya Shirou," Archer says. "The dishes you make have no meaning."

"Here we go," Rin says.

"When you're not cooking for others, you'll eat just about anything. It doesn't matter if it's bland or rubbery, so long as Emiya Shirou stops feeling hungry. How can you hope to satisfy people with your dishes when you aren't even satisfied with them yourself?"

"I cook to make people happy, what's wrong with that?" Shirou says. Archer's eyes narrow.

"Because, Emiya Shirou. You don't cook dishes for yourself. You cook dishes to make yourself look good."

"Teme!" Shirou stands up, holding a ladle. "It doesn't matter what people think about my cooking. I cook because it makes people happy! No one wants to cook after a hard day at work, or when they're tired or low on energy, right? The smiles on their faces when they see I've cooked is proof that what I'm doing is right!"

"Archer," Saber says, before things can escalate. "I hardly think it is fair that you are criticizing Shirou's cooking when you yourself don't cook."

Archer smiles. It is not a nice smile.

"Allow me to show you how mistaken you are."

 

*****

 

There is orecchiette with sauteed artichoke hearts, pan-seared wasabi encrusted salmon and fruit-stuffed pork loin; an assortment of western-style dishes and Japanese traditional dishes lining the table.

Saber takes a chopstick and tentatively takes a bite.

Saber's eyes widen. Her cheeks turn red. She sets the chopstick down.

"It's good," Saber says, softly. Archer coughs.

"I beg your pardon? I'm afraid I couldn't hear you," Archer says.

"I said it was good," Saber says, sharply.

Shirou looks annoyed.

 

*****

 

6.

"Tohsaka," Shirou says, and his eyes shift, looking to the side. "Maybe I should help Archer fix your house."

"Huh? Why? Archer's over there right now."

"Uh, well..." he looks down and a shadow covers his eyes. "I was just thinking the repairs might go faster if we both work on it.

Not that I don't enjoy your company!" Shirou says, raising his hands. "Because I do! It's just...well..."

"You and Archer are about to kill each other, right?"

Shirou looks relieved. "I really don't know why that guy doesn't like me."

"It's not that he doesn't like you. He just gets offended with the way you live."

"Isn't that the same thing?" Shirou says. Rin shrugs.

"I think how you live is stupid, but I like you just fine," Rin says.

"Thanks. I guess," Shirou says. Rin claps him on the shoulder.

 

*****

 

"Why is _he_ here?" Archer says. He is hammering on the roof, his mana still too depleted to use his reinforcement magic properly.

"Be nice. He's going to help fix the house."

Archer starts to say something, but thinks the better of it.

"Fine," Archer says. "But that boy better not make things worse."

 

*****

The day is warm, and Saber decides to go walk outside. Quietly, she walks through the gardens of the Tohsaka mansion, and marvels at the stately green bushes and the high growing roses around her. _A beautiful place,_ Saber thinks, and she stretches, smiling a little at the sight of white clouds and blue sky.

At Rin's suggestion, Saber walks along the periphery while Shirou and Archer work on the house. It is strange. She walks toward one wing and sees how Shirou sits cross-legged on the floor, hand on a broken piece of furniture and tracing the pieces with a faint green light; when she walks to another wing, she sees Archer doing the same thing. One hand on one broken piece, eyes closed, tracing and reinforcing everything.

"I did not know reinforcement magic was so common," Saber says. Rin shrugs.

"It's one of the most basic things in mage craft. We even use it for hand-to-hand combat. Not that Shirou would even begin to know what to do with it, all that idiot just uses it for is fixing broken appliances at the school."

Saber stands out on the rooftop and scans the horizon, a few feet away from Archer. In her peripheral vision, she can see him channeling a thin stream of mana around the holes of the roof. His mana wears out, though, and she sees him sigh and frown, clearly annoyed at himself. He reaches for a hammer.

"What is wrong with your left side?" Saber says. Archer glances back at her.

"Oh? So you've noticed, Saber. And here I thought I was doing a good job at hiding it."

"Is it from your battle the other night?" Saber says. Archer shrugs.

"Who knows? Maybe I'm just not cut out for manual labor."

He stands and picks up the tool box, and Saber notices how he fumbles a little with the handle. _His hand is numb_ , Saber realizes. Her eyes widen.

"You did not drop that dish on purpose, did you?" Saber says. Archer glances at her again, then shrugs.

"I told you my hand had slipped," Archer says, and Saber chuckles to herself, softly.

Archer's furrows his brow. "What?" Archer says. Saber shakes her head.

"I believe I have misjudged you, Archer," Saber says. "I am starting to think I misjudged my original Master as well."  
  
"Original Master?" Archer says.  
  
"During the Fourth Holy War." Saber looks up, remembering. "My Master was a harsh man with cold ideals, willing to sacrifice even his family to achieve them. But I look at you, Archer, and I think I can understand his logic. I think you and he would have gotten well along."  
  
Saber looks out across the Tohsaka grounds. There is a warm breeze and she can see green leaves drifting in lazy circles. Birds are singing. She feels pleasantly warm.

"Archer, despite what you may say, I believe you and Shirou are quite alike."

"Oh?" Archer says. Saber nods.

"Rin told me about your battle with Berserker," Saber says. "From what she's said, and from looking at the damage to your house, I can see how ferocious it must have been.

Furthermore, I have some experience with reality marbles," Saber says. "A reality marble of that size and magnitude should have depleted Rin's mana. But judging how she has suffered no ill-effects, it leads me to believe that you drew from own mana stores instead. Am I correct?"

"I don't see what that has to do with anything," Archer says. Saber smiles.

"You put her life before your own," Saber says. "Now you are suffering because of it."

Archer sighs. "I wouldn't be much of a Heroic Spirit if I took advantage of a little girl."

"I am fairly certain Rin would take issue with you calling her that."

"Rin takes issue with a lot of things."

"As well she should," Saber says, and face turns grave.

"I apologize, Archer," Saber says. "We were wrong to doubt you."

"How annoying," Archer sighs. Saber smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> The reality marble Saber is referring to is Iskander's Ionioi Hetairoi, which was featured in Fate/Zero. Her original master was Kiritsugu, Emiya's adoptive father.


End file.
